My Bird’s Been Shot

I haven’t told you guys what great news happened while I was at my job a couple nights ago! There was a couple that came in that were very impressed with my customer service and they offered me a job with much better perks than I have currently. They told me that they would talk to their manager and try to get me an interview and of course, I jumped onboard for it. I mean if you have the audacity to come on my JOB and offer me a new position, SOMETHING has to be good about it. 😉

So he just called me tonight to see if I was still interested in coming to see what they were all about and I am….until I found out it was out by UCF. I will admit…I wasn’t really listening when he was telling me where they were and what position they were willing to hire me for (I was still high on “eh mah gawd, i just got interviewed on my job!!!” lol.

But now my heart’s a little heavy because if the position IS that far out by UCF then I have NO reason to accept that job because it’s waaaay too far. I’m hoping deep down it’s one of those things where this is where they will interview at and NOT where the actual position will be. I don’t know what I was thinking when I said “okay, I’ll be there”. But… I can’t be there. And it’s gonna KILL me to tell that man that I can’t accept that job because it’s too far out for me to come out.

But I’m hoping, I have a “little” bit of hope that I’m wrong. Because, I told them I was in school and they know where I work so why would they offer me a job that was so far out of the way? I dunno, but if it is where the position is number one, I WILL be pissed. And number 2, waaaay too depressed to even think about therapy.

You know why? Because THIS was gonna be the job that would’ve created an outlet for me. It could’ve been the job to help me get a car, to help me get my bucket list ideas out, to help me CHANGE. And I have no way to get there……….UGGGGGGGGH GAAAAAAAAAAWD!

I’m so over having to pass up great oppurtunities because I have no way to get there.

You know…I know I said I would use that financial aid disbursement to get a computer which I kinda need for class….but I may turn around and get a car with it. So sick of “not having the means to get there” and having to rely on everyone else to help me get there. Man I don’t want to tell that man I can’t accept that position but hey…it may not have even been legit. It may have been just as cruddy as the job I have now.

Awww who am I kidding, I could’ve had something great! 😦 *pouting*




My Trip to the Fair…

So a couple of days ag on Friday night, I headed out to the Fair with my family, not really itching to go in the first place because 1) it was cold and 2) I was thinking I kinda grew out of the Fair. Both were true, but for once, I got talked back into going.

And realized why I wasn’t going anymore.

Everything initially was pretty much the same, the security that check your bags, the ticket salesmans, all that stuff but going in there, it seemed like I would’ve remembered it differently had I been a child compared to when I went last Friday. Now you know (if you’ve ever been) how the mini game people heckle you to come and pay for a little show or game because hey, that’s what they’re there to do right? But for some reason, these people seemed very aggressive, almost like beggars. Maybe even like homeless people…..with a job. Passed by one guy and he was heckling my dad for a good couple of minutes saying “C’mon man, gimme five bucks so I can buy a beer!”…..I don’t think I remembered any of that when I was like 11…. The staff seemed oblivious of the people, everyone looked positively pissed and bored, nobody cracked a smile for a nothing! I promise you the only people who looked remotely happy were the kids!

So I played a mini game and won a little killer way stuffed animal. I felt so bad I kinda got coaxed into it. The guy told me “It’s been slow all week! Nobody comes to the fair anymore!”

You’re right about that. Why would they when they’ve got games and TV and quick-processed food? I never realized this as a kid but these people travel with the Fair and I guess that’s why I felt a little sorry for them. But, maybe they get business elsewhere huh? I’m thinking that eventually the Fair may close down because it’s really no business there. The park was pretty much EMPTY. I mean, there’s more people on that property when there’s a JOB Fair as opposed to the FAIR Fair, ya know?

BUT, i did do my own little bit of fear-conquering. I have to say that I am NOT a Ride Fanatic! I hate even the slightest Turbo of speed. Picture Spongebob….anywhere…..yeah. That pretty much explains it. lol

But my mom wanted me to get on at least one ride and so I chose the Ferris Wheel thinking that would be easy for me because I would go on it as a kid.

Why in the Heeby Jeebies did I EVER do that?

I got on it, nerves were in complete chaos before I even TOUCHED the seat. Got in it, and then the wheel started turning and we were going up, and up….and up. Mom had to blatantly note how fast the wheel would go while we were going up and I immediately got those “I’m-Gonna-Die” nerves though I tried to not let it show too much. Trying to be tough on the Ferris Wheel! LOL Go ahead and laugh, cause at least I did it! I was pretty good and getting comfortable at least until we were STOPPED at the very TOP of the doggone thing! And then the seats started rocking back and forth. I promise you ever single bad scenario played in my mind like some hyper movie. I thought the bolts would unscrew and we would tumble to the ground, another seat would bump into us and make the seat rock even more, I thought about the wheel becoming unhinged from the rest of the ride and rolling off into the distance, GAWD I wanted to start crying. lol But I didn’t, I kept laughing it off and holding on for dear life. And then the man finally brought us back down, I can’t tell you how I fast I got out of that little seat!

Yeah, that was a bit too much for me. But I was just trying to make the best of that little fair but I garuntee you one thing.

I ain’t going back. lol


No More Villages to Raise Children…

“It takes a village to raise a child”

Who does not believe that? When you hear that, what does it mean to you?

For many, (maybe) it means that the community of which a child lives in should help in caring for a child. For me, personally, I feel it’s whomever the child is allowed to come into contact with that can bring out the positive potential in a child as s/he grows. Over the years, I developed a personal motto of “no matter who you come in contact with in your day to day life, no matter how little they may contribute to the moment, every single person enters your life for a reason”. They inspire you, one way or another, to be or not be a certain way, am I wrong?

If you see a homeless man on the street panhandling, you feel bad… but at the same time you have the certain tinge your gut that inspires you to keep at a that stressful job because you don’t want that to be you, right?

Unforeseen occurrences befall us all, we can never 100% prevent what will happen in the next second. But, we as humans naturally want to do all we can to prevent it 99% of the time.

But anyways, before I get off track again, I use village in a figurative sense, because children usually want to talk to everybody. So the people they come in contact with will either influence them positively or negatively. And because I love kids, I’m usually always the first one trying to make them smile and laugh and not make them feel so “left out” all the time when they come in the store.

But I’m no dummy either, and lately at work I’ve been coming across quite a few parents who are more than tolerant, and also rude–to me–when I get to a point where I can’t allow the child to run aimlessly anymore.

I recently had an experience, foreigners who spoke english, come in the store. It was her and her daughter, so the girl was running a muck right? You know how kids run through the clothing racks and like to hide behind the clothes? Okay, she was doing that. Okay, I won’t say anything, I used to do it too (and now I understand why all those store employees side-eyed me so frequently when I was a kid LOL!). Then she started touching the hooks on the doors that I use to signal whether a customer was in a fitting room or whether it was empty. And if you’ve read my previous post about foreign kids on a saturday, than you understand that I HATE when kids touch the hooks!

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Can You Tell When A Door is Opening For You?

I’m noticing something. I can get so focused on a door shutting me out, that I don’t recognize if there is possibly another one opening up to me.

I had a prime example today.

I’ve been trying to get into school for 3D animation for…..all year. But in the back of my mind, I honestly don’t wanna go back. I think I’m going back mainly because in some faint place of my heart, I actually “am” worried about how others view me not wanting to go to school and trying to pursue something different.

I mean, furthering education is a gift, and it’s an optional neccessity. But for some folks whose mandatory school life was already H. E. double hockey sticks……you know. We ain’t trying to go back. lol

So I’m sitting there, getting my financial aid cleared right, and I got my little green slip and I was all excited about that, and then when I went to go speak to the counselour, there she laid on my the long awaited, but disappointing news.

Thee classes.




Part of me was shouting YAAAAAY!

But another part of me was like BOOOOOOO!

That part. Was the reality part. Was the gotta-go-home part. Was the “how are you gonna tell your mum?” part. -_-” Ugh, hate those parts.


And so I toured the Downtown area, and I was looking to go sit beside the lake and look out over the sapphire blue water that actually fades into a murky green when you get closer to it. I was all hyped to go and be next to the Swans and the ducks, and to watch them waddle back and forth, grace the waters with their beauty, I was seriously ready to just let nature run through my mind and put me at ease. It wasn’t school I was stressed about, it was going home.

But, I couldn’t GET to the lake! I couldn’t find that little lake for NOTHING in the world. But I tell you what I DID find. THE LIBRARY! lol So I walked in there, not intending to check out anything but it reminded me of how I used to be a library assistant in middle school and how I loved that and missed lining the books to the end of shelves and organizing it and doing the Dewey Decimal System, I kinda missed that. So out of nowhere, I didn’t even expect to ask, but the lady told me there were openings available and I sat down and applied there just from memory.

Could I really get a job there? This job offers perks that I could REALLY use! I know that jobs are not stable, there’s probably no security promised or anything…..but it’s still experience. Most people don’t even get jobs in their college major or whatever. I think I’m a person that feels that sometimes, experience is valued more than education. I want to live a life of stories and experience than to live a life succumbing to bills and that other stuff. I want to travel and see things and this is why I need a new camera (gritting teeth) because my mind is always branching off into these distant fairytale lands that I know somehow, SOMEWHERE they exist. All it is a lake surrounded by trees, or a mountain that overlooks the land. You mean to tell me something like THAT doesn’t exist!?


I said I wanted to get a car, and some other things. And this job will help me do that.


I didn’t think much of it while I was applying, because of course the job is NOT promised to me.

But somehow I feel like it is……


Sometimes I wonder. Can you really tell when a door is opening for you? How do you feel about that?



Foreign Kids in a Retail Store on a Saturday Night….

I had a really good day at work though I think it was Saturday? But Sunday was alright too. But the highlight of Saturday night was when these spanish brazilian folks came in with these 3 LOUD kids! It was a girl and two boys. The girl looked about five, and so the boys had to be like 2 and 4? They were young. But they were just running around, slamming fitting room doors, and screaming. I was so set to smack them all the way outside. But what pissed me off is when they started messing with those hooks on the doors.


DO NOT TOUCH THE HOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s like a SERIOUS pet peeve of mine when kids come in with their parents!!!!

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