A Bucket List?


Subscribed to a blog that I hit and miss frequently but she has so many cool adventures and goes so many places and travels and all that cool stuff and that’s what I wanna do. But then there’s that part of me that seems to can’t let go of obligations and other “already set in place” dreams that I can’t let go of. Things like toning up, growing longer hair, trying to buy a car, and other necessities that take money which take jobs which takes school to get to. And I guess I’m just dangerously impatient with it all. I dunno, I think I have this subconscious thought to be the perfect person BEFORE I start living my life rather than doing so WHILE I am. Little things such as buying clothes that are purposely smaller rather than buying them when they fit just right cause I always say to myself “I’m not going anywhere now” but for some odd reason I just keep thinking that my life will magically get busy when I hit a size 4 or even a 2 (I’ve thought about it). Wearing my hair in these same boring hairstyles because I want it to grow long, making myself work hours at a job I can’t stand (honestly) just because I need to save up and get a car when all I really want to do is just let go of it all and stop planning every damn thing and just roll with it. So sick of strategizing everything you know? Every paycheck I get I have to budget this and budget that, I mean how do people just throw it all in the air and live? How do they do that? I wanna know how to do that! But alas, here I am getting ready to go to work to make try and get closer to one goal: getting a car! Someday I would love to go parasailing, or even just try out that indoor skydiving facility that I passed by one day on a bus ride. I would love to travel to a different country, interact with exotic animals (I would LOVE to see a white tiger, it’s my favorite animal….besides the penguin…). I would love to…..you know, when I come back home I think I’m gonna jot down some ideas. She came up with 50 things for the year, but she can roll like that. I’ll come up with 50 things in general. Sick of being in a rut, gotta start doing SOMETHING that makes me happy now and not sometime in the future you know? But when do I start doing that? I always question this…but I just never have an answer.

 

Toodles!

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Oblivious and Private…Sooooome Combination…


It’s like a push or pull with me. Sometimes I’m there and other times it’s like… … … wow. Did you just…really?

Because I’m so quiet and to myself, people automatically categorize me into this “unidentified” mark I suppose and they talk to me as if they have to think for me. And it’s like, “no, no ma’am I most certainly DO have a brain”, but something in my brain doesn’t click when I need it to. I don’t know if my thinking process is abnormally LONG or abnormally short but it’s definitely not in tune with other people in society… I guess. I feel twelve around some people and forty around others. But above all, I feel… alienated. Just weird, lately I’ve been having a weird week. People keep staring at me and because I don’t like being around people as it is, I don’t know if this is them being normal or if it’s something about me but I’ve had to confront a couple of people about their staring issues and I just wonder…why?

I try not to think that people are watching me and that it could just be my paranoia acting up but it seems like when I do let my guard down, that’s when people start approaching me with all this “why don’t you ever do this?” and “why don’t you ever do that?” and “you’re always so this….or that” which leads me to believe…yeah. I’m being watched. Maybe the average person doesn’t have a problem with that, or those who grew up in a rather large and loving community or just big families or whatever the deal but, me, personally…

I have a problem with that.

Don’t watch me like you know me. If you’re gonna people watch, my advice is get some SHADES. Don’t just stare people down as their walking I mean people do still get self-conscious ya know.

And I know what many people will probably tell me. “This a new age, you gotta build your confidence. And everybody in the world ain’t paying attention to you”. Yes, it’s a new age, and yes I gotta get comfortable in my skin but does that mean I don’t have a right to feel what I feel? I mean, since when is it against the law to not want my privacy invaded? Just like with this blog thing, or not even this, just social medias in general. I mean NOTHING is private, people have to voice everything. Maybe it’s just me….okay it IS me, but I like when people have a little privacy about them. It makes them more interesting. That could very well explain why people always feel the need to “figure me out” and I’m left there looking at them thinking to myself, “there’s really nothing to FIGURE OUT”. People don’t ask me things, they just automatically assume…I think they like it that way. Oh, there I go assuming. lol! *Fail*

I mean, I was just noticing today while I was out and about how I really do not like running into the same people all the time. lol All my bus drivers, students at school, people that I pass by everyday while on my way to the bus stops, they’re regulars you know? Even at the resturaunts I go eat at it, I promise you I HATE becoming a regular. lol I really do, because then people seem to expect you to make conversation with them and I’ll be honest, I don’t really have conversation for these people. Or perhaps I do but my delivery is… off. Amatuer you could even say. And then there’s that awkward moment when they’re standing there fixing your plate and you have nothing to say but just stand there smiling….ugh, gawd. My communication needs more than a tweak! But you know what, oh well! Because on this world there is a variety of people right? And I just happen to be apart of that variety that doesn’t like to talk.

So bite me.

You know what? I won’t let anybody make me feel bad for being who I am.

 

I’m saying that now, but we’ll see what happens tomorrow. lol

 

Toodles!

All Is Fair In Blogs ‘n Privacy


I think now I probably get why my blogs never stay running. This blog has to be my longest running blog though it’s not my most popular blog I’ve ever had.

But it’s because I’m a fairly private person.

The reason I started this blog was to begin voicing my opinion on different subject matters, and learn how to be strong about confrontations, strength my communications skills and above all, just get verbal about things.

And then slowly and more slowly I drifted. This blog became desolate as the two things I was passionate about on here (art and hair) migrated into separate blogs. And I notice I’ve been posting more to those than I do to this one. I said this would be my life blog, but by the look of it, you might say I’m a pretty boring person.

Sometimes you could say that, but I have too much rolling around this brain that I find myself hard to make into words or more accurately, want to make into words. I’ve always been the person who would rather write it out and burn the scraps rather than cry it all out to a fellow individual. So me and this “speaking my mind” thing never truly mixed.

To be honest, I don’t even know how to bring this blog back to life. But I won’t quit now! All of my subbies have probably gone away, unfollowed me but it’s okay. The only people I want subscribed to me are the ones who care to hear what I have to say, ALL THE TIME! To me, numbers don’t mean anything if nobody takes the time to even read what you have to say.

In a veeeery early post, I once wrote about how I was gonna get more personal with my blog, and I was gonna post more frequently and da-da-da-da-this because I had so many things to think and write about. But every time I wrote a post, I deleted it. For fear of being judged, harrassed, criticized, and I guess I just haven’t learned to handle that. Or maybe I have and I’m just not giving myself a chance to be tested. You know I do that sometimes. I think we all as humans do that from time to time. We get all raveled up in saying what we can’t do, but we don’t give ourselves a chance to be tested enough to see if we actually CAN!!

Well I’m kind of tired of not testing myself. Someone once said “everyday, do something that terrifies you!” and putting aside my privacy to write out my thoughts and let people read them has to be one of thee BIGGEST fears I can think of. It’s fun when people don’t know you inside and out you know? I was always that “mysterious kid” so putting my thoughts out seems to counteract what I worked so hard to maintain. LOL! I mean, I tested myself a little bit writing that one post about “no more villages to raise children” because that was pretty personal. I think I rewrote that post about four times before actually posting it because I wanted my wording to be right and I didn’t want to offend anyone. I got a disagreeing comment but she was very nice about it and I appreciate that. That is what I need to test myself on. Debates! So please, COMMENT. Test me (but don’t be rude please) and lets have a discussiong. I think this is why UncommittedCoils is still hanging by a thread because I’ve thought numerous times about just deleting this blog…..yet another one, right? But for some reason, I think this blog is still here because deep down I really want my thoughts to be voiced and my opinions to be heard. If we’re gonna start somewhere, why not start here?…..Eh, sure. But alas, if you continue to stay tuned, thank you.

If you don’t wanna, don’t subscribe, or unsubscribe. I mean, this IS still UncommittedCoils! I didn’t say there would be a consistency of posts now did I? Now….what to talk about? Good gravy nuggets now I’ve run out of ideas!

Toodles

Fitness Monthly–January 27


Haaa okay, so I’m like a week late. And had I waited to do these measurements yesterday or even today, my measurements would have been even BETTER but I got school in my mix now. I’ve FINALLY started my 3d Animation classes and it’s going great! I love it. Just alot of initial reading though but it’s very hands on and I like that. And also with part time work (it seems like) in the mix, I just don’t always have the patience to sit down and type out some kind of post. My mind is always looming somewhere else and besides that, I’m without a stable computer these days but I will get one in the coming month or two. Just gotta be patient ya’ll.

But anyways, ya’ll didn’t wanna hear that rambling did cha? “Mskraizy, I just wanna know if you stuck with your fitness jam and LOST something!”

Okay hold your horsies. I won’t say anything else. I’ll just let you be the judge of it:

Neck:  13.5 inches
Chest: 
35 inches
Waist: 
29.5 inches
Tummy: 
30.5 inches
Hips: 
36.5 inches
Arms, Relaxed: 
10.75 inches
Arms, Flexed: 
11.75 inches
Quads: 
23 inches
Thighs: 
18 inches
Calves: 
15 inches
Weight: 
191.8 lbs 🙂

 

Shocked? Surprised? Happy for meh? HA HAA I DID IT!! Way better than i expected to! But like I said, had I waited til this morning to do this check in, I would have been able to put a 29 inch waist, a 30 inch tummy, and a 36 inch hip. But we’ll just wait for the end of February and see what I come up with then. I’ve pretty much surpassed MANY of my goals that I had established in my brain for January. I don’t think I wrote too many of them here, but I wanted to be a size 37 inch hip, fit into my size 6 jeans, and flatten my tummy as much as possible. While my tummy still has about a half-inch to go before it matches my May 2012 Measurements, everything else has surpassed it or matched up to it. I feel super tiny you guys. lol Isn’t that cool?

Since I started school though (on the 22) I’ll be hoenst, I haven’t did one fitness workout…well intentionally. I do alot of walking but that’s mainly running to catch a bus, get to work, or go to school. But my eating is still healthy conscious. I have a lot of grilled chicken or turkey sandwiches, and take some of my own snacks which herelately is either a banana or a nature’s valley crunchy bar (I’m partial to oat’n honey or peanut butter crunch) or something like that. I eat bad foods too but in moderation. Things like french fries (just plain pleasure), a piece of fried chicken (still has protein!) or a little sweet item, I do so in smaller amounts compared to how much healthy food I eat. Drink lots of water, and just walk everywhere. Even I have the choice to take transportation to a certain area I know I can make in a twelve-minute walk, I do so…unless it’s PAINFULLY COLD outside. But nine outta ten times, I like walking in cooler air.

Soo yeah, I gotta get back to my intentional workouts though. Anyways, I won’t bore you all with menacing details, that was just my check in for the end of January! Stay tuned for February check ins to see how much more I go down. I’m thinking that by the end of February, my weight loss journey will be coming to a close. That’s what I’m hoping for. Because after my tummy and waist get down to a 28 or so, I won’t really want to lose that much. I don’t even know how small my hips would be. It would be cool if they were a solid 35 by the end of the month. Forget 8s, I’ll be in 4s and 6s! lol

 

Toodles!!