I’m noticing something. I can get so focused on a door shutting me out, that I don’t recognize if there is possibly another one opening up to me.
I had a prime example today.
I’ve been trying to get into school for 3D animation for…..all year. But in the back of my mind, I honestly don’t wanna go back. I think I’m going back mainly because in some faint place of my heart, I actually “am” worried about how others view me not wanting to go to school and trying to pursue something different.
I mean, furthering education is a gift, and it’s an optional neccessity. But for some folks whose mandatory school life was already H. E. double hockey sticks……you know. We ain’t trying to go back. lol
So I’m sitting there, getting my financial aid cleared right, and I got my little green slip and I was all excited about that, and then when I went to go speak to the counselour, there she laid on my the long awaited, but disappointing news.
Part of me was shouting YAAAAAY!
But another part of me was like BOOOOOOO!
That part. Was the reality part. Was the gotta-go-home part. Was the “how are you gonna tell your mum?” part. -_-” Ugh, hate those parts.
And so I toured the Downtown area, and I was looking to go sit beside the lake and look out over the sapphire blue water that actually fades into a murky green when you get closer to it. I was all hyped to go and be next to the Swans and the ducks, and to watch them waddle back and forth, grace the waters with their beauty, I was seriously ready to just let nature run through my mind and put me at ease. It wasn’t school I was stressed about, it was going home.
But, I couldn’t GET to the lake! I couldn’t find that little lake for NOTHING in the world. But I tell you what I DID find. THE LIBRARY! lol So I walked in there, not intending to check out anything but it reminded me of how I used to be a library assistant in middle school and how I loved that and missed lining the books to the end of shelves and organizing it and doing the Dewey Decimal System, I kinda missed that. So out of nowhere, I didn’t even expect to ask, but the lady told me there were openings available and I sat down and applied there just from memory.
Could I really get a job there? This job offers perks that I could REALLY use! I know that jobs are not stable, there’s probably no security promised or anything…..but it’s still experience. Most people don’t even get jobs in their college major or whatever. I think I’m a person that feels that sometimes, experience is valued more than education. I want to live a life of stories and experience than to live a life succumbing to bills and that other stuff. I want to travel and see things and this is why I need a new camera (gritting teeth) because my mind is always branching off into these distant fairytale lands that I know somehow, SOMEWHERE they exist. All it is a lake surrounded by trees, or a mountain that overlooks the land. You mean to tell me something like THAT doesn’t exist!?
I said I wanted to get a car, and some other things. And this job will help me do that.
I didn’t think much of it while I was applying, because of course the job is NOT promised to me.
But somehow I feel like it is……
Sometimes I wonder. Can you really tell when a door is opening for you? How do you feel about that?